Never a Romantic
by meplima
Summary: Charlotte has now been married to Collins for a couple of years and realizes she's not happy. More than that, she's lonely and she realizes that loneliness in another person. I do not own any of the characters. It's all that amazing Jane Austen.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

She watched as he walked away. Actually, her husband didn't walk, he waddled, like a child learning to walk. He not only waddled, he sweated, profusely.

There couldn't be any doubt as to where he was going. His prodigious rump slowly made its way across the expanse of Rosings Park. No doubt, he was going to bow at the altar of Lady Catherine, Charlotte thought.

Moving away from the window, she calculated she had another 2 hours before her husband returned. Two hours where she wouldn't have to hear his voice or his excessive flattery of Lady Catherine and her daughter. If she had to hear about the chimneys at Rosings, she might scream!

Two hours... that's what her life was now. Short spurts of freedom from the constant aggrevation that was her husband.

They had married 5 years ago. He needed a wife and she needed to not be burden to her family. It seemed like a good fit.

For a while, she was content. She had her own home; her own life. Back then, she could ignore her husband's fawning over the great lady or his embarrassing remarks. Back then, she had no romantic delusions. Back then, she had never known true loneliness.

She couldn't respect her husband. They had not had any children, which Charlotte could not determine whether it was a good or a bad thing. Her closest neighbors were the magnificent Lady Catherine and frail Anne. Her closest friends lived in Derbyshire and were happily married. Ah, Jane and Elizabeth...

They had married for love. They knew nothing of isolation.

At 32, Charlotte Collins could say, she knew exactly what being lonely without being alone felt like. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

"Mrs. Collins... Mrs. Collins, My dear Mrs. Collins," her husband panted. "You will never believe the wonderful news I have from Lady Catherine."

As Charlotte lay her needlework aside and tilted her head to look upon her husband's face, Mr. Collins grew more animated. "Come now my dear Mrs. Collins! Lady Catherine was graciousness itself in sharing this news with me. Are you not curious to learn her ladyship's news?"

She wondered if this news was like her ladyship's last bit of news, when she deigned to inform Mr. Collins that she would be redecorating the breakfast room. Mr. Collins was then in such a state of excitement that everyday, upon his return from Rosings, he would subject Charlotte to the minute details of her ladyship's decorative humors. Charlotte often fantisized about telling her dear husband exactly how much she wanted to hear about Lady Catherine and her bloody chimneys and sickly daughter! In summary, no Charlotte was not curious about her ladyship's news. The only news Charlotte wished to hear of her ladyship was that the grand dame had finally learned to keep her mouth shut and her nose out of other people's business.

Fortunately, Mr. Collins was not a man who required an answer before launching into an explanation.

"My dear Charlotte. Her ladyship's nephew is to join her at Rosings in a fortnight! He shall remain for well-over a month. Such devotion to one's aunt clearly shows Lady Catherine's importance in her nephew's life. And of course..,"

"Mr. Collins, will Mrs. Darcy be joining the party?"

"Mrs. Darcy? Why should she join Lady Catherine at Rosings? She and Mr. Darcy have injured her ladyship most egregiously. I do not suspect that her ladyship will be welcoming the Darcys to Rosings any time soon. Ah, my dear. I understand. You are confused as to which of her ladyship's nephews will be visiting. It is not Mr. Darcy who comes, but the Colonel. Of course, her ladyship has many devoted nephews. It is no wonder as to your confusion..."

Charlotte had stopped listening. Colonel Fitzwilliam was to come, not the Darcys. She had hoped that her friend would be the one visiting. That perhaps, with Elizabeth at Rosings, life would seem a little less bleak. But it was only the Colonel...

Perhaps with the Colonel at Rosings, Lady Catherine would forget to invite the Collins for dinner and Charlotte would only have to endure Mr. Collins's insipidness as opposed to Lady Catherine's officiousness.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

As Charlotte gazed out of the window, contemplating the life she had chosen for herself, her husband waddled up the lane.

"My dear Charlotte! He has arrived! Prepare yourself my dear. He shall journey here to greet us. Make haste! Make haste," he huffed. His face was red with exertion and shiny with perspiration.

Charlotte moved away from the window to gaze upon her husband. Her reply to her husband's excitement was to calmly return to her seat, fold her hands upon her lap, stare at her husband and await their upcoming visitor.

As the minutes ticked by, Charlotte resumed her needlework and Mr. Collins took his turn looking out the window.

When the Colonel was finally introduced to the morning room, Mr. Collins could barely contain himself as Anne de Bourgh had also accompanied the Colonel.

Charlotte was concerned he would have an apoplexy or wet himself then and there.

As the Colonel made his greetings, Charlotte intervened before her husband could so much as utter a word.

"Colonel Fitzwilliam. Miss de Bourgh. How kind of you to visit. Please take a seat. Would you care for some tea?"

"Ah, yes, my dear, tea is a most excellent idea. Of course our tea is not as fine as the tea at Rosings, but then again, one could not hope to surpass Rosings in anything. I often tell Lady Catherine -"

"Mrs. Collins, thank you for the offer, but we have just come from tea at Rosings." This welcome help to ending her husband's monologue came from the Colonel, who appeared to have already reached his Mr. Collins limit.

As they discussed the weather and the Colonel's travel to Rosings, Charlotte could not help, but notice that the ease and happiness that Colonel had once harbored were now nearly extinguished. He still conversed easily and amiably, but at times, a shadow of sadness would flit across his eyes and a moment later it would be gone almost as if it had never really been there.

When the Colonel rose to say his goodbyes, Miss de Bourgh issued the invitation Mr. Collins had been eagerly anticipating and Charlotte dreading.

"Mrs. Collins, would you be available to join us for dinner tomorrow at Rosings?"

What was Charlotte to do, but say yes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

"Ah Mr. Collins, there you are!" thundered Lady Catherine as they made their way into Rosings. Lady Catherine sat on her usual perch, a plush chair that closely resembled a throne. Charlotte briefly wondered if the Prince Regent had such an opulent and grandiose home to rest his backside.

Mr. Collins practically salivated over Lady Catherine, Charlotte curtseyed and took her seat as far away as possible from the disturbing duo without raising alarm.  
She hated these evenings. The constant drum of Lady Catherine's voice filled her ears. Did the woman never take a breath? Maybe that's why Mr. Collins always spoke so much when away from Lady Catherine; he had to compensate for not being able to get a word in when he was in her glorious presence.

Did it bother him to, essentially, be rendered speechless when in Lady Catherine's presence as much as it bothered Charlotte when in Mr. Collins's presence? Probably not considering he venerated her ladyship while Charlotte barely tolerated him.

Alone with her thoughts, Charlotte barely noticed that another person had joined her on the sofa.

"Mrs. Collins, it seems that you are wool gathering."

"Colonel Fitzwilliam! Forgive my inattentiveness. Indeed, I was wool gathering."

"If you permit my saying so, your thoughts did not appear to be particularly pleasant."

"Oh, it was nothing of importance Colonel. I was merely reflecting on the different roles one must play. At times, one is the cat who is hunting and other times, one is the mouse being hunted."

"And who is hunting you, Mrs. Collins?"

"No one, Colonel."

The Colonel turned a looked around the room before turning to her with mock seriousness and whispering, "Are you, then, the hunter?"

Charlotte very nearly laughed. The very idea of her, Charlotte Collins, hunting anything was fairly preposterous.

"Ah Colonel, I believe your aunt, Lady Catherine, has said a lady should never hunt."

"My aunt speaks of the sport of hunting, Mrs. Collins. I am not speaking of foxes and hounds or cat and mice."

Charlotte was confused. "What other hunting is there, Colonel?"

He looked confused at her question and then, with a look that almost saw through her, replied, "Mrs. Collins, if you have yet to be instructed in hunting, I would not rob you of your innocence." As he rose to join his aunt across the room, he briefly turned his head and met her eyes. The look he gave her very nearly bordered pity...

To say Charlotte was bewildered, would be an understatement.


	5. Chapter 5

"Dinner is served ma'am."

Lady Catherine led the way to the dining parlor as the Colonel escorted Miss de Bourgh with Mr. and Mrs. Collins bringing up the rear.

It was always the same when having dinner at Rosings. Mr. and Mrs. Collins would sit to Lady Catherine's left and Anne would sit to her right followed by Mrs. Jenkins who would fuss over Anne as if she were actually on death's door. Charlotte often contemplated on the possibility that Anne's "illness" was more of a figment of her mother's and caretaker's imagination than anything else.

As the guests were taking their seats, Charlotte heard Lady Catherine furiously whisper to her husband, "Mr. Collins, you can not sit next to your wife! Furthermore, my nephew should be seated next to me. Go and sit by Mr. Jenkins."

Once they were seated, her ladyship began, "Have you given any thought to this Sunday's service?"

"Of course, Lady Catherine. My dear Charlotte can confirm that I have thought of nothing, but this Sunday's service since the close of last Sunday. I have already begun writing my sermon and -"

"Mr. Collins, I was not referring to your sermon. I was referring to a matter of a most particular variety. You must of course know, either by having read the announcement in The Times or having heard of it through the town, that my daughter is engaged to be married. As I am sure the town will wish to congratulate her and my nephew on a most advantageous marriage, we must allow the people of Kent to congratulate them properly. Of course as this will create a certain stir within the congregation robbing them of their focus to the service, you may give this wonderful news at the end of service and not a moment sooner!"

"Lady Catherine, please allow me to offer my sincerest congratulations on the most joyful betrothal of your noble daughter and nephew. There shall be no greater pairing. It shall be the wedding of..."

While Mr. Collins rambled on, Charlotte tried to name her emotions and organize her thoughts. A small part of her was happy for Anne, perhaps now she would find some happiness in her life. Another part wondered if the Colonel would find happiness in the marriage. Why did that bother her so? Was it merely the realization that another was making the same mistake she had or was it something more?

It wasn't only that 2 people were marrying for something other than love; it was that it was the Colonel who was was doing so and that thought bothered her more than anything else.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6:**

When dinner was finished, her ladyship once again began holding court although only Mr. Collins was listening. Anne, as usual, was staring at her lap; Mrs. Jenkins was arranging the shawl around Anne's neck, Charlotte sat alone on the couch willing the minutes to go by faster, and the Colonel...

Ah, the Colonel! He seemed troubled ever since dinner. Upon reaching the sitting room, he pretended not to see his aunt's not-so-subtle request for him to join her, but went straight to the window and there he now stood. He hadn't so much as moved in the last couple of minutes. Charlotte began to wonder if he was even breathing.

Perhaps it was one kindred spirit calling to another or just the boredom getting to Charlotte, but she mustered her courage and quietly moved to stand beside the Colonel at the window.

She had really just thought of keeping him company when he was clearly so troubled. To her, the adage of misery loves company rang true, not because miserable people enjoyed spreading misery, but because the comfort of company can often make misery a little less miserable. Charlotte had never expected the Colonel to acknowledge her.

They spent a couple of minutes in silence staring at Rosings Park when the Colonel turned to Charlotte and whispered, "I never understood the appeal..."

"Pardon me, Colonel?"

" I never understood my cousin Darcy's appeal for staring out of windows when in the presence of company. I thought it was his admiration for being outdoors, but I now realize, that it is not the admiration for what was out there, but a lack of admiration for what is inside." The Colonel glanced toward his aunt and realizing his faux pas turned to Charlotte, "forgive Mrs. Collins. I did not mean present company. I was merely..."

"Wool gathering?" Charlotte suggested with a smirk.

The Colonel chuckled. "Precisely Mrs. Collins."

"Forgive me Colonel, I had not offered my congratulations on your engagement to Miss de Bourgh."

"I believe it is my duty to thank you and profess that we shall have many years of happiness together."

"You are not assured of your happiness with Miss de Bourgh?" What had possessed Charlotte to ask that question? This conversation was completely inappropriate for them to have.

"Were you assured of your happiness to Mr. Collins when you married him?"

As much as Charlotte wanted to lie, she couldn't. "No I was not. I was, however, assured that I would be comfortable and satisfied."

"That is not the same as happiness, Mrs. Collins."

"No it is not. Our predicaments are completely different. I was an unmarried woman of a certain age and..."

"And I am an unmarried man of a certain age. We are not that different. You wished for marriage to be assured of your comfort in life and cared not, at that time, for a marriage that had love or happiness. I am much the same. Only, I have the added responsibility of assuring my cousin's comfort. You see, Mrs. Collins, you believe that our sex or our stations greatly distinguish our circumstances, but that is not so. We both willingly entered into betrothals for the sake of comfort without any regard to our future happiness. We, for lack of a better term, were rather mercenary in our decision. Although you did not acquire the great wealth I am to acquire in my marriage to Anne, you did receive a handsome little parsonage and were safe in the knowledge that you would not have to live with your brothers and become the spinster sister. You doomed yourself to a life with a man you hold no amorous regards toward and can not respect in order to have your own home. Am I correct?"

For a moment Charlotte was too stunned to speak and the next too hurt. She looked around the room and realized her vision had become blurred by tears. As the water pooled in her eyes, she looked to the Colonel and said, "My reasons for marrying Mr. Collins have no importance at this juncture of our lives. We have been married for five years now and I believe, Colonel Fitzwilliam, this conversation has gone far enough. If you will excuse me, I believe my husband and your aunt are in need of my presence." She dutifully curtseyed and went to join Mr. Collins and Lady Catherine.

Moments later, Charlotte claimed a headache and asked to be excused from the party to return to the parsonage. During the ride home, as Mr. Collins prattled about the Colonel and Miss de Bourgh's engagement, CHarlotte could not help but realize the truth that lay behind the Colonel's words.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7:**

Upon returning home and feigning tiredness to escape her husband's prattle, Charlotte began to reconstruct the events of the night.

That the Colonel was engaged was not surprising. The man was charming, amiable, intelligent, handsome, a member of her Royal Majesty's service and the second son of an Earl. The real question there was why had it taken this long for him to have been capture.

The surprise was that he was captured by none other than Miss de Bourgh! The surprise was that Miss de Bourgh had captured anyone!

While not a malicious woman, Charlotte had to be honest. Miss de Bourgh wasn't very pretty, she had never spoken more than five words, so Charlotte could not attest to her intelligence. It seems her only benefit was wealth.

Was that what had captured the Colonel?

He had certainly led her to believe during their conversation that he was not hopelessly in love with his cousin. Thinking clearly, he had blatantly said that he had no hopes for the marriage.

He had said, "I believe it is my duty to thank you and profess that we shall have many years of happiness together."

Was it his duty to marry Miss de Bourgh then?

Certainly it had been Mr. Darcy's duty, or so Lady Catherine had believed. Perhaps then it had passed onto the Colonel.

That he would forsake himself to a life without happiness saddened Charlotte.

There was some good, however, which resulted from their engagement. Charlotte chuckled just thinking of Lady Catherine having to move herself to the Dowager house once the Colonel and her daughter were married.

Ah yes! The Colonel would definitely make Rosings much more interesting.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8:  
**  
Although Mrs. Collins was thought to be a lovely person, the same could not have been said for her husband. He chattered incessantly, flattered her ladyship constantly and, to put it plainly, was dull! For that reason, the Collins rarely had any visitors to the parsonage.

Charlotte had grown accustomed to the lack of visitors and often planned her mornings in accordance. She would get out of bed later than was usually deemed acceptable; she lingered over breakfast; she was meticulous in her discussions with her maid simply because she had the time to be.

The morning after the engagement announcement, however, was different. Charlotte had barely finished her breakfast was the Colonel was announced.

Mr. Collins, who was on his way to visit an ailing parishioner, quickly changed his mind and seated himself in the parlor beaming with pride at such an illustrious guest.

Charlotte followed her husband at a more sedate pace. While her husband could barely contain himself at the visit, Charlotte was confused as to its purpose.

"Good morning Mr. and Mrs. Collins."

Charlotte merely curtseyed and let her husband lead the reigns of conversation.

"Colonel Fitzwilliam," he boomed. "May I offer my most sincere congratulations on your felicitous union to Miss de Bourgh! I have every assurance that you shall be as content as I am with my dear Mrs. Collins."

"Yes, Mr. Collins. I am sure that my union with Miss de Bourgh shall match yours to Mrs. Collins," he said looking directly into Charlotte's eyes.

Is there a greater admission of unhappiness, Charlotte thought.

"Mr. Collins, I see you are dressed for an outing, please forgive my interruption of your day. Were you leaving on parish business?" the Colonel asked.

"Colonel Fitzwilliam, it is not interruption to have Lady Catherine's most beloved nephew and future husband to Miss de Bourgh visit our humble abode! I was merely going to visit a parishioner, but that can be done later. I can not -"

"Still Mr. Collins, I feel as if I have come at an inopportune time. Forgive me! Do you often conduct Parish visits in the mornings?"

Mr. Collins was thrilled that the Colonel was showing such a marked interest in his work with the parish and continue to ramble about his routine, which mostly consisted of parish work in the morning, a visit to Rosings in the early afternoons and working in the garden or on his sermon in the late afternoons.

Shortly after Mr. Collins's thorough explanation of his daily routine, the Colonel bid them adieu and returned to Rosings.

The next morning went much in the same manner. Charlotte woke later than usual, lingered over breakfast, saw Mr. Collins out the door and went to find her housekeeper to review this morning's duties.

While searching for her housekeeper, Charlotte was summoned by a maid who informed her that Colonel Fitzwilliam was at the door.

"Mrs. Collins."

"Colonel Fitzwilliam," she responded in mid curtsey.

As silence threatened to fill the room, the Colonel invited her for a walk around the park. With his most charming countenance, he had enticed her further, saying, "It is a lovely day Mrs. Collins and it would be a shame to waste it indoors."

"I can not refute that fact, Colonel. However, my husband has left to visit a member of his flock who has fallen ill."

"It bodes well then, Mrs. Collins, that I invited you for a walk and not your husband."

Charlotte was shocked! "Surely sir, you are not suggesting that you and I walk the park alone and unchaperoned?"

"That is precisely my suggestion, Mrs. Collins. You are a married woman and I am a man betrothed. Who would suspect anything untoward occurring between the two of us?"

He moved closer to her and whispered, "also, considering the fact that you are currently entertaining me in your morning room, alone and unchaperoned, I believe the mischief lies indoors, not out." With that, the Colonel donned his hat and moved to the door.

What choice did Charlotte have, but to follow?


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9:  
**  
"I believe you were correct, Colonel."

A bit confused, the Colonel questioned, "in what respect, Mrs. Collins?"

"It was too lovely a day to be spent indoors with only myself for company. I have never felt alone when outdoors."

"Whereas you may be alone at the parsonage, I have my aunt to contend with. Being outside has never had as much appeal to me as when I am at Rosings. Quite a coincidence, is it not, Mrs. Collins?"

Charlotte laughed. "Oh yes, Colonel. Though I find myself with a similar coincidence."

The Colonel's only response was a raised eyebrow in question.

"I often find that I have no need to stare out of windows unless I am dining at Rosings. Peculiar isn't it?"

The Colonel laughed and she joined.

"Oh forgive me, Colonel. I should not speak so of your aunt who has been nothing but kindness and solicitude to myself and Mr. Collins."

"You have forgotten to mention mettlesome, intrusive and high-handed in your description of my aunt. Take care, Mrs. Collins, or you shall begin to flatter her as your husband."

Charlotte could not help but smile at such candidness.

After a few moments of silence, the Colonel began, "I was never too fond of visiting Rosings when I was a child. I found the manor and its occupants much too oppressive for my liking. Anne was often sick and unable to play with Darcy and myself and my aunt was adamant against childish behavior."

"Weren't you and Mr. Darcy children?" Charlotte questioned.

"Yes, but that seemed to have escaped my aunt's notice. With time, however, we learned to make the best of our visits. We often sat with Anne when she was too sick to play or fled to the park and gardens to escape our aunt's attention. As we grew, the journey became even less favorably viewed. Darcy, by then, had become my aunt's chosen one; the one who would wed Anne."

"And what did you become?" Charlotte questioned softly.

With a rueful smile, the Colonel answered, "dispensable... to her at least. Darcy counted on my presence for our yearly visits to keep him sane and I could never say no. For years, my only solace and company was the park. Until, five years ago."

There was no mistaking his meaning. He had found solace and company in her during his stays at Rosings. Charlotte had made Rosings more bearable.

She smiled at him. "You have made a wonderful companion at Rosings as well, Colonel."

After that, they talked of trivial things. He amused her with childhood stories about climbing trees and scaring his aunt, swimming in the river with Darcy in their church clothes and sneaking Anne sweets when she was ill.

Most importantly, he listened to her. He listened as she spoke of her life in Meryton and how her final years there, she had felt herself to be a burden to her family. She told him of feeling second best to Elizabeth; the proof, she had said, was in her marriage. Had her husband not proposed to Elizabeth before turning to Charlotte as a consolation prize?

They walked and talked for hours.

As they made their way back to the parsonage, Charlotte was so engrossed in the Colonel's latest tale of his boyhood misadventures, she did not notice the tree root that was sticking up from the ground and so, she tripped only to be caught by the Colonel.

Their faces were mere inches from each other. She could feel his heartbeat, see the flecks of green in his eyes. Most of all, she could feel him. She felt his strong arms circling her waist. His body pressed against hers.

As she stared into his eyes, there was no mistaking it, he was an incredibly attractive man and she was incredibly attracted to him. If she wasn't mistaken, he was also incredibly attracted to her.

"It seems, Mrs. Collins," he whispered, "that I wrong after all. The mischief isn't only indoors." and with that, he placed a chaste kiss on her cheek.

It was hours before Charlotte resumed breathing normally and even longer before the smile left her face.


	10. Chapter 10

**I figured since I was pretty much done, I would post this short chapter.**

* * *

**Chapter 10:  
**  
Morning came and with it, Charlotte's anxiety grew.

She couldn't stop the flurry of questions that invaded her mind. Would she see the Colonel today? Did she even want to see the Colonel? What would she say if she did see him? What would he say? How would they act? Did she hope to see him alone or in the company of others? And so her mind raged on.

At breakfast she could barely focus on her husband's chatter and was all too happy when he left earlier than his norm to visit Lady Catherine.

She settled herself on the sofa and picked up her needlework hoping to distract herself. Charlotte's mind began to race again: would he come? would he be glad to see her?

As she lay her needlework aside determining it to be a hopeless cause, a maid came in and announced "Colonel Fitzwilliam to see you ma'am."

Charlotte smiled. She had been glad he came.

"Good morning, Mrs. Collins," he said easily. "It is another lovely day today. Perhaps we may enjoy another turn about the park?"

"Colonel, I wish to discuss -" Charlotte began only to be interrupted by his firm request for a walk.

"Forgive me," he said as they made their way from the parsonage. "I know you wish to discuss what occurred yesterday, but the parsonage is not the safest place. My aunt knows all and hears all within the confines of Rosings and its surroundings, especially when servants are present."

Charlotte could do nothing, but nod in agreement. She was well aware that her ladyship had eyes and ears within the parsonage, aside from Mr. Collins that is. How else would she have learned that Charlotte had asked the butcher for a larger cut of meat last week that normal?

"Colonel, I can not disagree with you or challenge your assumption. However, we are no longer within the confines of my home and believe we may speak freely out here."

For a moment the Colonel appeared taken aback by Charlotte. A moment later, he chuckled. "Mrs. Collins, I believe you are correct, but I hardly know where to begin."

Charlotte sighed. She had hoped he would lead the conversation, but seeing as he was at a loss for words, she began. "I believe, Colonel, we should speak candidly. We both know that we have broken some rules of propriety. The question is then twofold. Are we bothered by it and are we to keep doing it?"

With a huff, the Colonel sat himself at the base of a tree. "I can not begin to answer the second question, as that would require your agreement or disagreement. However, as to the first, I find that I am not in the least bothered by it, but suspect that I should be. I was raised a gentleman who was not to dally with ladies. I find myself now dallying with you and to my utter shock, I find it quite enticing."

Charlotte smiled and sat beside him. "I feel very much the same. I should feel some guilt in having flirted with another man when I am married, but I find that I can not. It seems to me, Colonel, we are in a predicament."

For a while, they sat and watched as the wind picked up blowing leaves off of the trees.

Eventually, breaking the silence, the Colonel said, "I don't believe I will be able to visit you in the coming days. My aunt will grow suspicious if I begin to visit the parsonage daily. Perhaps, we can meet here, two days from now after you break your fast?"

"And what then, Colonel?" was Charlotte's response.

"Then we discuss what can be done. I don't believe we will find a solution today." With that, he stood and extended his hand helping Charlotte to her feet.

They looked into one another's eyes, neither saying what they both dreaded: what if there was no solution?


	11. Chapter 11

It had been two days. Two days where she alternated between constantly thinking of the kiss and pretending it hadn't happened. She had more trouble with the latter rather than the former.

She couldn't help but remember the look in his eyes, the way he held her and most importantly, his lips. Of course Charlotte had been kissed, but Dear God, never like that!

What she thought most of all was her guilt.

She had kissed a man who was not her husband. She had kissed a man who was not her husband and liked it. If she were honest with herself, she hadn't just liked it, she'd loved it.

She'd sunken into the kiss. She'd given into it. There had been no coercion, no persuading, no manipulating. She had willingly given it and damn it, if she didn't want to give it again.

That was what plagued Charlotte the most. She had kissed a man other than her husband and one day, she would make her peace with it, but what plagued her most was she was ready to do it again.

As far as she was concerned that was where her guilt, her crime, her shame lay. She had erred once, but she was ready - and willing - to do it again.

With that single thought, she grabbed her bonnet and walked out of the parsonage to meet the Colonel.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12:**

He stood looking out into the distance. In the near future, he would be lord and master of Rosings; he would be lord and master of his own life. He would, finally, be able to make his own decisions without the fear that his father would tighten the purse strings.

Except, by then, it would be too late. By then, the manner with which he obtained the freedom to make his own decisions would be the very thing that shackled him. The irony was not lost on him.

In another life, they would have met and courted. He would have wooed her just to make her smile.

"And what has bestowed a smile upon your face Colonel?"

There it was. The smile he had just been thinking of and without any further thought, he took her hand to his lips, bestowed a feather-light kiss on it and said, "you."

"I beg your pardon, Colonel. I do not have the pleasure of understanding you."

The Colonel chuckled, "I believe you have the pleasure of understanding me perfectly. You asked what had bestowed the smile upon my face and it was you."

Seeing she was about to say something about propriety, the Colonel pressed his fingertips against her lips to halt her words. "I had been contemplating your smile and, in turn, that made me smile. You make me smile."

"Colonel, we should not speak so frankly to one another when we belong to others."

"I belong to no one, Mrs.-"

"Mrs. Collins, Colonel. I am married. My husband's name is Collins therefore, I am Mrs. Collins. We should, at the very least, be completely honest about the circumstances."

The Colonel turned away from her, "I do not believe I have been anything but honest with you Mrs. Collins. I believe it has been you who has been less than honest. You wish for honesty, Mrs. Collins," he turned to her again and they locked eyes. "If honesty is what you wish for, then let us begin: I think of you and you make me smile. I think of you because I can't help but think of you. I say that and you look away."

He reached over and held her face, "One thing you must know and never doubt. I shall never be anything but honest with you. I hesitated in calling you Mrs. Collins, not because I choose to ignore the 'circumstances' as you call it. I am well aware that you are married. I am well aware that you are the wife of Mr. Collins. I am well aware that our 'circumstance' is not only complicated, but confusing. We know not what we are to one another,"

"Please, Colonel. We are two friends who shared a moment. We may repeat it, but there are no ties that bind us. We are nothing - "

Abruptly, he grabbed her arm and pulled her against him. In that one instance, Charlotte felt it all: the fire, the passion, the yearning, the strength, and, more importantly, the certainty that comes in two lives being forever intertwined. "We are not nothing. We are not friends. I have no objection to sharing what you called 'a moment' again, but we are not nothing. Something exists here. Something is here. We are something and while we may not be able to define that something or act upon it, I'll be damned if we deny it."

"Colonel, do you not believe that denial is best? Perhaps, that is the solution. We deny and forget. We live the lives we have chosen for ourselves, I with Mr. Collins and you with Lady Anne." She moved away from him, but he held tight.

"No I do not believe that would be best. I do not believe that is the solution," he whispered. "We have not chosen these lives for ourselves. They have been set aside for us. Furthermore, I believe we have passed the point of Colonel and Mrs. Collins. I ask, from now on, for you to call me Richard and if you will permit me, I shall call you Charlotte."

She nodded staring into his eyes. For the life of her, she could not speak; she could not look away.

"I will not pretend that I am in love with you, Charlotte, because I am not. We are not the type to fall quickly and hopelessly in love, but I like you Charlotte. I like that sound of your voice. I like the becoming blush on your cheeks when I am near." He moved his hand to graze her cheek. "I like, Charlotte," he whispered in her ear, "that when I move closer to you, your lips willingly part as an invitation." Wasting no time, he brought her mouth to his and wrapped his arms around his face.

While their first kiss held a certain amount of hesitancy and awkwardness, this kiss had no barriers or challenges; they melted into it.

Pulling away slightly, Richard brushed the hair from Charlotte's face, "Well, my dear Charlotte, I am glad you approve of us sharing future, what was it you called them? Ah yes, 'moments'. Indeed, I am glad, for I do not believe I could help myself from doing that again."

And for the first time since she could remember, Charlotte shared a genuine laugh with someone.


End file.
